OMG !! LOL !!

Today, I learned one of the most important things to know when in the working world: dealing with a “dead man walking.”

We all know what “dead man walking” means. Typically used in prisons, it’s for death row inmates, since they are never leaving the building alive, and their fate is sealed, but there they are, for the time being, quite alive and well. Well, it’s also used in the working world, typically used for people who are set to be fired, their fate is sealed, but there they are, working like normal, until they are axed.

It was adopted into the workplace, because exployers found that is best, and most convenient, to wait until the end of the week to fire someone if it isn’t critical that they be fired immediately. They don’t have to worry about hours being lost in the schedules, and it reduces the chances of someone going postal the next day, since it’s the weekend and they get a cool-down period. It doesn’t exctly translate like that for a supermarket that is open 7 days a week, but trust me, Office Space was very accurate in their description.

So why am I talking about this? I’ve got a dead man walking right in my department. No, it’s not me, that just wouldn’t make much sense if I knew of my own impending firing. A little backstory will be necessary, though.

A couple of weeks ago, my manager was talking about how she had done some interviews with some people and was going to hire one of them (mostly shocking to me because I thought that they liked running my department understaffed,) and how they would be helping out in the Christmas rush. He had experience, working at one of our competitors before, so it seemed like a simple hire, and we wouldn’t have to do too much in terms of training, since he had an idea on how things would work from the get-go.

Cut to the next week, one of the people in the department got suspended due to the incompetence of a bitchy manager, on the day that the new guy started. We were hurting, needing all the help we could get, it seemed like the new hire got in just at the right time. He seemed to handle the situation pretty well, given how shitty it was, anyway.

He puts in his hours, and seems to be handling the job well. Seems.

About a week ago, my manager came up to me while I was on break and expressed some doubt about the new guy. He didn’t always seem to be at the top of his game, wasn’t really self-motivated, and didn’t seem like he was getting even basic parts of the of job. She thought it was weird that he asked her how to make a 16″ pizza (which is not all that different from making a 12″ pizza,) despite having worked in a pizza parlor before.

I told her that I was pretty sure he was just wanting to make sure he was doing things “the Tops way,” because even I had asked some silly questions when I started, and that was my reasoning. I was sure that, with time, he’d become more self-motivated (my self-motiviation came with getting confident with what I was doing and having a feel for how things worked,) and that when he could start working regular hours the next week (he had been working the gimped hours that come with being under 18,) he would get the swing of things very quickly. She seemed assured by my answer, but I didn’t think that would be the last I would have to speak about him.

It was at about this time he would leave a note to request some days off. And by “some days” I mean about 10 days. The week of Christmas, right up to New Years. I don’t know what kind of state of mind one would have to be in to think that was a good idea, or that it even had a snowball’s chance in hell at being approved, but he certainly was in it.

My manager was baffled. Why would he need that kind of time off? Especially after saying he could work during this time during his interview? When questioned as to why he needed the time off, he wanted it off for Hanukkah. Well, okay, but that’s only 8 days.

Scratch that, 8 nights (since most Jewish holidays only count from sundown to sunrise.) And well, Hanukkah isn’t as important as Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, so there’s very few restrictions on working during the holiday. So yeah, the excuses get cut down pretty quickly (it helps that my best friend is Jewish, so this can all be confirmed by that fact that I’m sure she’s working a 40 hour week next week.)

My manager explains to him that she simply cannot approve his request in full. He’s been working there hardly a month, so he doesn’t have the push to be able to do something like that, and that approving all of it just wouldn’t be fair to everyone else who would have to pick up his slack during a busy week, and thus effectively having to de facto reject any other request for time off, since we couldn’t afford it.

And this is before we get to him having to handle a closing shift.

Simply put, he’s a typical teenage prick that thinks he’s hot shit and is too good to be told what needs to get done.

I had to fight with him just to get him to do dishes. Yes, dishes suck, but they need to get done, and sorry, but the new guy gets stuck with them, since anyone can do dishes. No, you can’t clean up the front area, I’m pretty sure you don’t knwo exactly what needs to be done, how it’s to be done and on top of that, deal with the straggling customers who decide it’s a good idea to come to carry-out past 8 PM, after we are closed. Yes, I know it’s not much that I have to do, but listen, the other guy made sure that there wasn’t much left to do for my sake, in case you fuck up. Oh if you were closing with a new person you wouldn’t make them do dishes? Really now? Now you just sound like a 10-year-old telling your parents just how much of a better parent you would be by letting your own kids do what they won’t let you do. Wait, why the fuck haven’t you done any of those dishes get off the damn cellphone there is no text so important that you have to reply now with “rofl lol” Jesus H. Christ on a Gigantic Pike I’m not even asking nicely any more just fucking do those goddamned dishes.

And such until the fucker left (still leaving me with a few last dishes.)  And was somewhat the case today, but I had one bit of arsenal that allowed me to be a smug asshole about everything.

On Tuesday, my manager asked me what I thought about how he was doing. I said that he wasn’t all that bad, but he’s got his problems. I was promptly told to not sugar-coat it, as she told me what the guys from the night before had to deal with. I then tell her that my experiences were much the same. Then came these words: “That’s it. He’s not working here any more.” I didn’t know if she was serious or not, but I got my answer today.

I come in, and before punching in, I’m greeted by one of my coworkers and he just says “That’s it. He’s fired.” He explains that he wasn’t put on the schedule for next week, and that he will be taken aside on Saturday and told the news. Merry Christmas!

The greatest thing is, he’s completely oblivious to the train wreck in front of him. All he knows is that he’s not on schedule next week. He thinks he won, got his way. He got his 10 days, but at what cost?

I had to learn something new today, and it’s something you can’t be trained for, it’s something done on the fly, something you have to cope with. It’s having to deal with a dead man walking. There’s two things you can do, ignore it and let the bad news come to them, or tell them early, so that they know it’s coming and they can prepare just a little bit early.

I reflected. I wanted to care that this kid was getting fired, and just right on his Christmas break. Hell, he had only been working here for a month. But then I thought about how smug the little shit was. How he would constantly use his cell phone while on shift. How I had to fight with him just to do something as basic as washing dishes. And I stopped caring. I wanted to see him go down. See him get taken out back and only realize what’s happening when it’s too late.

And that’s how you deal with a dead man walking. Schadenfreud. If the guilt of seeing the person getting completely sideswiped would just absolutely tear you apart, you tell them. But if you just can’t care about how they feel about getting fired, don’t tell them. Just do your job.

Because at least you still have your job. And sometimes, in this day and age, that’s what matters.